Oh sadness!!!!

The ironic thing about me starting this blog, is that now I have nothing to write about. Today Miller and I went to the doctor to hear the heartbeat. No heartbeat to be found. The ultrasound showed a figure that was much too small to be a properly developing fetus. Our fears were confirmed- no baby will be arriving in the next six months.

They call it a missed abortion. The embryo did not form properly; then it just stopped growing. However, the underdeveloped embryo has not yet exited the womb- yeah, kinda scary. Apparently it is not that uncommon though. If I do not experience bleeding (like a heavy period) in the next two weeks, they will have to do an extraction. I really hope it will not come down to this. I would much rather that my body deal with this naturally in my own terms. We'll see.

The initial shock was overwhelming. Miller was not in the examination room when I found out. The doctor let me tell him on my own in a separate room. What a tremendously difficult task. But I realized in that moment how thankful I am to have such a strong, caring person by my side, especially in this experience. We talked about what went wrong (we were told is was nothing that we could have prevented- just a random event that happens to many couples) and discussed our options for the future. The doctor reassured us that this should not have any impact on our decision to try again- it happened early in the pregnancy and does not necessarily indicate that we will have future difficulties.

And so, there is hope. Yep, you bet we'll try again! We decided that perhaps this is not such a bad thing- now we can try again under different circumstances. In fact, now we'll even have a house to move into soon. Today we signed the contract to begin building our new home!! We had decided earlier in the week that today was the day to seal the deal. After the news we received this morning, Miller was not sure if we should still go through with the plan. I decided that it would be best- it would give us something positive to focus on. I'm very glad that we did so.

So, this has been a long, bittersweet day. We called our parents tonight to share the good and the bad news. They were wonderful. We're going up to Wisconsin this weekend to visit them. I think it will be nice to be together to share our sorrow and to celebrate our future home. As my dad put it, families need to rejoice and grieve together; it's part of the joy and responsibility of loving others. And so it is.

For now, this blog is on hiatus. To think I only managed to get through 4 days worth of posts. I've always been bad at keeping a journal. At least I have an excuse for not sticking with it this time. However, this story is not over. With luck, I'll be back on in a few months. So, send us your happy thoughts, and stay posted! Thanks so much to everyone who sent us their congratulations and support. We'll keep it tucked away for next time! Love you all.